Stop crying, and bake yourself a *UCKING CHOCOLATE MERINGUE PIE (an entry for the ladies)

I havent written in a while. The reason? Ive been happy, and distracted, and busy…just a number of things. In the past year Ive found myself busy in a job that I love, and happy in a relationship that I didn’t expect. Dont get me wrong, ive still been baking…Its just different when you have someone to bake for.. you kind of stop baking for yourself. Relationships are distracting. Sometimes you end up stuck in a rut with someone you would otherwise be happy with if you weren’t ignoring the things you love, be it yourself, a hobby, or whatever. Without going into detail..in the past week, a lot of things changed in my life. Things that I dont have control of. Dont worry, this isn’t going to get a whole lot sappier. In fact, its going to get a little ridiculous.

Ok, so, you know that shame spiral you can fall into from time to time? There can be many reasons for this.. a break up, loss of a loved one, shitty work day, or its just that time of the month and OMG ALL OF A SUDDEN EVERYTHING SUCKS. Lets fix this.

Today, im writing about how to deal with ‘the break-up sads’. Its a shitty topic,  I know, Its just terrible. Its not uncommon to hear someone in this position say things like ” I cant sleep, I cant eat…Im soooo depressed!!” I truthfully never understood this… the sleep part, sure, sometimes its hard to shut your brain off at night where there is a lot on your mind. I get that. Its the eating part I never understood. How can someone not want to eat?? Its one of the small and wonderful joys in life that not only replenishes you physically, but a good slice of pie or a big bowl of mac & cheese can bring a smile to your face in a way nothing else can. This is why comfort foods exist.

Well guess what… I lost my apetite for almost a week due to stress, and confusion, and sadness. Not only did I lose my apetite, but i lost 7 lbs…like, super fast. Some girls might love that, building their self esteem back up by looking in the mirror thinking “Yeah Im heartbroken…but at least I look skinny.” I really dont care how skinny I look when I feel like crap. Life Is weird sometimes. And Ive decided…

FORGET ALL THIS ‘NOT EATING’ BS. IM GOING TO MAKE AND EAT A CHOCOLATE MERINGUE PIE.  DONT CARE. I DESERVE IT. I LOST 7 LBS SO I CAN TOTALLY JUSTIFY DOING THIS.

you know what makes me feel better than losing weight? pie. pie fixes everything. Sure, it doesnt make up for what you’re probably lacking nutritionally…take a vitamin. fuck it.

Would that be my answer 2 months from now when I have a better idea of where my life is going? eh, maybe not, but for right now…its the best thing to do for myself.

So when you are sad,

CHIN UP! BAKE SOMETHING! TAKE A LITTLE PRIDE IN YOUR CRAFT!

Here are my instructions on how to cope when life gets ya down.

• Get yourself an cute little apron..( there are some adorable ones here )
• Find a recipe for the pie of your dreams/ or use this recipe (chocolate seems obvious to me, as its actually proven to be a mood enhancer)
• Get out of the house and go to the fancy market! Spoil yourself! If you’re doing chocolate, invest in some really amazing cocoa powder. If your doing a fruit pie, take your time in the produce section, buy organic, and be adventurous. For me, just seeing all the natural beauty, color, and variety of the fruits and veggies can cheer me up. The world is a super cool place sometimes.
• Buy yourself some fragrant flowers..and why not? take them home, arrange them in a vase, and sniff often. At the very least, while your at the market, just sniff…dont buy. If the have one of those rose freezer things, stick your head in it….it is awesome. who cares if you look crazy, they dont know what you’ve just been though. Attach a new scent to the memory of getting over it and being an empowered lady.
• Buy a nice bottle of red wine…it will compliment the chocolate AND get you drunk. double win. Im not really a big drinker, so Ill probably skip this…mainly to avoid making a wine drunk fool of myself because I have, like, zero tolerance for booze.
• Put on some make up! No doubt you’ve been slacking on your personal hygiene.. get it together. Fix your face. For you…not for anyone else. It may seem shallow, but if your feeling rejected, remind yourself that you dont always look like just crawled out from under a big rock of sad.
• make up done? check. apron on? check. flowers arranged? check. Glass of wine? check.                  Now get to baking. The pie crust will take some time in the fridge because it needs to chill…this will leave you with some times on your hands. So while the dough is chillin’, call your besties. Invite them over for a little pie and wine. You’ll be glad to have some people to vent to. They wont mind because, not only do they love you and thats what friends are for, they get free wine and pie.
• I highly suggest you watch ‘Funny Girl’. There is just something about that scene where Barbara Streisand sings ‘dont rain on my parade’ that will have you beaming with a sense of self confidence and possibilities for the future.
• Remember to always love yourself… i mean, seriously, you just made an awesome pie from scratch. This isn’t a skill that many women have anymore. You’re a catch..REMEMBER THAT.

A NOTE OF CAUTION: drinking wine and eating pie can result in calling/txting that certain someone you should probably just be leaving alone. Hide your phone, let your friend hold it for you, delete numbers if you have to…

FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS TXT WHILE PIE DRUNK

you’re trying to feel better, not worse.

To be fair, I wont be doing any of the things on that list except making the pie ( I already have a super cute apron). My situation is different..im not going though a run of the mill break up at all. there is a lot of honestly and openness in our relationship that neither one of us are used to and there is always the chance we will work things out. Sometimes you just need a little time to find yourself. Maybe we are just having the 1 year itch, or maybe simultaneous quarter life crises… I dont know. I do know we are both dealing with some weird stuff and I will be offering him a slice..because he needs it just as much as I do. However, this whole experience reminded me of how I got into baking in the first place. I went though a serious break up and needed something to take my mind off it. Baking is perfect for this. You have to pay attention because there is a lot of room for error (no time to let your mind wander) and the pay off?…well….. today, the pay off is pie.

Mood enhancing chocolate pie recipe after the jump!!

CHERRY BERRY PEACH SUMMER TART

AHHHHH SUMMER.

Its peach and berry season and ive been waiting months for this. I went to visit my parents today and my dad had just bought a ton of fresh raspberries, cherries, and peaches. Then on top of that they had also bought me a new cookbook (Martha Stewart’s cooking school) My heart soared and I let out a squeal of excitement. So im flipping through the book and I come across this recipe for pate brisee, and it hit me. SUMMER TART.

NEGATIVE COOKIES

Ive been super lazy about my baking lately. I dont know why. I suppose a lot of things in my life have been changing.

So Ive been meeting a lot of new people lately, which means that I have new taste testers. This is great because I thrive on constructive criticism and the more I give away, the less I eat. However, I fully expect them all to be fat by the end of the summer.

Alright so..The other night I was at karaoke, talking (about my blog) to some people outside the bar and someone had asked if I could make and opposite chocolate chip cookie cookie. Yes, I can.

sweet & salty cake

I am very very sorry to say that these photos do not in anyway represent how delicious this cake was. I used my dads camera, and well…its not the greatest. However I am happy to report that very very soon i have a nice friend that is helping me build a light box so i can photograph my yummies and actually have them look yummy! woo hoo!

Ok so this cake…where do i begin?! I saw this recipe in a cookbook I got more than a year ago  and Ive always wanted to make it…my mouth watered at the thought of it. CHOCOLATE AND SALTED CARAMEL HEAVEN. I wanted it. And it crossed my mind to make it every time I decided to bake anything but this cake looked huge and ridiculously hard to make  (it really wasnt).  It seemed to be a cake with a purpose so I waited till I had one. Then the time came. My best friends birthday!

This IS a cake with a purpose. 3 layers of dark chocolate cake with salted caramel filling and whipped chocolate caramel ganche frosting. Its giant, decadent, and delicious…you dont need much to be very satisfied. He made it very very clear that this was the best cake he had ever eaten and he loved it even more a la mode with a little drizzle of left over salted caramel sauce on top. mmmmm.

Granny smith apple tart

Spring is here!! Finally! There has been some really weird weather going on in Texas this year, and even though i enjoyed the snow..im over it! I want the sun and the flavors of spring and summer. I want light fruity desserts that taste just as good cold as they do warm. Im holding out a few more months for berries (those people at the farmers market better look out) but apples are always good. Ive been wanting to try my hand at pie crust for a while and i had a few granny smith apples in my fridge…since apple pie is kinda wintery, I thought APPLE TART!

BROWN SUGAR BACON WAFFLES

First of all, let me apologize for my lack of updates!! Its been a few weeks but I have a really good excuse! I moved into a new place! i was super busy packing and working and taking this indie business class… blah! Ive been so stressed the only baking i have been doing is for paid special orders. I did go to target a lot though. I always forget how many things you need to buy when you move into a new apartment. I went way over my budget picking up things i need ( and dont really need). One of the things I didnt really need that i couldnt resist was a waffle iron. ive always wanted one and I finally got one.

Have I told you that im a really really fat chick trapped in a skinny girls body?? I spend quite a bit of time finding ways to work bacon into recipes. Bacon brownies, bacon cupcakes…when I mention this to people they always look grossed out. (but really most people have no idea how well bacon goes with chocolate) I figured that I would start out with something a little less weird. Bacon waffles. Not so weird… there is nothing like crispy bacon swimming in syrup…and let me be frank, im not really a pancake girl….bring on the waffles!!!!

BLACKBERRY HAZELNUT CAKE

Ive been looking for a good hazelnut cake recipe for a few weeks now.  When I went shopping for the macaroons I made a few weeks ago I also bought a bunch of hazelnut meal. i dont know, maybe its the italian in me but i really really really love hazelnuts. After lurking countless baking blogs i remembered that I had the perfect recipe in one of my cookbooks! A marionberry-hazelnut cake. Marionberries? thanks to google I now know that its just a variety of blackberry. So blackberries it is.

MINI CHOCOLATE CROISSANTS

Easiest recipe ever. In fact I didnt even use one. I had really been craving chocolate croissants so i just threw some together.  I really wanted these at 1:30 last night and once again decided id bake in the middle of the night (usually doesnt end well… if you read my last post, youd know this) I didnt have anything I needed to make these so I thought Id go to the store…I mean there has to be at least one 24hr grocery store somewhere…nope. I went to 3. It was a bust. I took it as a sign and gave up for the night. Today I went the store at a decent hour like a normal person..picked up some puff pastry and ghirardelli semi sweet chocolate (and some other things I needed for my next post).

OK. I took the easy way out. there is a way to make your own puff pastry but I didnt want to. (I would like to try someday…)

I just wanted chocolate croissants.

APRICOT JAM FILLED CUPCAKES WITH CHOCOLATE FROSTING (DISASTER CUPCAKES)

Ok. Let me start out by saying that its usually not a good idea to start a baking project at midnight. It typically ends in disaster. I have been known to bake at all hours of the day with little to no trouble.. but last night..it was total Murphy’s law. I made a giant mess, I couldnt sort my thoughts, my camera battery was dead, my frosting wasnt smooth enough… the list goes on. Half way through prep I was ripping my hair out and wondering why I even started the project in the first place. Guh! Stress! But, I thought to myself  ‘cupcakes are worth it!’ and they always are. Yeah the frosting was a little lumpy (I made it at 1 am and i was getting impatient so i didnt sift my powdered sugar…always do that!!) and I would have liked to use berry jam instead of apricot (for some reason we always have apricot and red plum, but never strawberry)..but you know what? they still tasted amazing. I actually really liked the apricot with chocolate. Surprisingly delicious. If I make these again I will probably use the same favor combo.

BAKED CHIPOTLE CHEDDAR BISCUITS AND SAUSAGE GRAVY

Its been a difficult morning around here. My loveable little kitty passed on this morning and we buried her under a tree in the backyard (she loved climbing trees.) The ground was soft because the snow is melting..but its still freezing outside. I said a little prayer and came back in to warm up. I needed a distraction, so i decided a nice warm breakfast would do the trick. Comfort food. What could be better to soothe our souls and warm our bellies? BISCUITS AND GRAVY! So I washed my hands, and got to work..